This is an archive and may contain old or out-of-date content. Check the date; things may have changed since the time of the original posting. Conversation is allowed on older posts, but be aware that they will not come to my attention as easily.
Lord, sort through this mess of fabric scraps on my bedroom floor. I can’t see what matches what and how to put it all together, but You know. You see the beautiful product in this mess on the floor. All I see is one disaster on top of another, but you see something wonderful. Help me to see, help me pick up the right pieces and throw the junk away, because I want to be who You created me to be and I don’t want to mess this up on my own.
Help me to know that I know that I know that You truly do care for me. Because I know it in my head but sometimes I don’t know it in my heart.
edit: Lord, why does it keep on getting worse? Why must I lose my friends over this when I’m not even envolved? When is it just going to straighten it out, and what can I do to fix it? I have no earthly idea, Lord, I didn’t create this problem but I feel as if I need to put it all back. Fabric scraps on the floor again, and his and hers and mine are all getting jumbled up. I can’t even tell which ones are real and which ones are imagined.
Seriously, all of us have hit the “new post” button on one site or another, and then you end up staring at a blank box trying to figure out what it was you wanted to say in the first place.
So I’ll give you the boring style rundown.
Tomorrow morning I’m going to wake up really early and totally annihilate my room. I’m going on this crazy neat freak thing, and my room is getting disorganized and therefore needs to die. I guess this is a good thing, because I’ve always been a rather sloppy person. Neat is good. And then after that, sometime tomorrow morning, I’m getting my hair cut. Layered, actually, which I’ve never gotten before. Definitely cool. Maybe it’ll actually look nice!
Nothing much significant happens Wednesdays. Thursday I have puppet rehearsal at two, and then Mom’s dance practice at seven, both in town.
I’m discovered that it is possible to be crazily busy and bored stiff at the same time. I’ll get myself figured out eventually, really.
edit: I got spammed! *sniff* So now when you comment you have to type in one of those annoying words. So sorry, but I don’t feel like sifting through junk comments.
I’ve been really feeling pretty horrible about myself lately… huge self-esteem issues and just… generally hating myself. A lot of us get that way sometimes, at least I hope I’m not the only one. Anyhow, I had my radio on last night, and these two songs came on, one right after another. And I”m glad that I stopped feeling sorry for myself long enough to listen to the words:
He made you feel plain
When he forgot your name
Well let me tell you something,
I have felt the same.
I know you’re in pain
But there’ll be another Boy along the way and
God he made you beautiful and
There’s nothing about you thats plain.
[CHORUS]
You are jewel you’re a treasure
You are one of a kind
And you shine just as bright
As the stars in the sky
You’re a rare kind of wonder
Created just right
So keep your head up no matter the pain
Theres nothing about you thats plain
You tell me you’re not the type
The kind of girl that they like
And your a little insecure about
How you look in their eyes.
Well fashion will change,
Trends come and go everyday,
But God only made one of you and
There’s nothing about you thats plain
[CHORUS]
You are a jewel you’re a treasure
You are one of a kind and
You shine just a bright as
The stars in the sky.
You’re a rare kind of wonder created just right
So keep your head up no matter the pain
Theres nothing about you thats plain.
See your mind, it is precious
Though your heart may be restless
And your eyes they will see
All that you’re meant to be
‘Cause your spirit is strong
And your soul carries on
You’ll keep your head up no matter the pain
There’s nothing about you that’s plain
You know I’ve had my days,
When I feel out of place….yea
I look at who I am,
Cover what I can ,
I wish it all would change. But…
Take the makeup away
You see the same girl still remains..
She may not feel that beautiful
But theres nothing about her thats plain.
[CHORUS]
You are jewel you’re a treasure
You are one of a kind
And you shine just as bright
As the stars in the sky
You’re a rare kind of wonder
Created just right so keep
Your head up no matter the pain
Theres nothing about you thats plain
You may have felt plain,
But…God, He knows your name
Let me tell you something, yeah…
There’s nothing about you that’s plain
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done
But because of who You’re
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I’m calling
Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
And You’ve told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
‘Cause I am Yours
I am Yours
And so I changed the site around a bit. Went with something more default instead of my butterflies and green swirlies and such. Yes, it’s boring now, but who cares what it looks like? It’s what’s inside that counts.
If only people could think that way about other people.
What have I been up to? Well… keeping myself busy. Which isn’t too hard in this pre-sukkot season. I got my Tambourine II book, so I’m able to finish choreography for the tambourine troupe. I am really happy with the way it’s been coming together. We’re doing the song “Stand up and Give Him the Praise” by Paul Wilbur (which is an awesome song, if you’ve ever heard it), and put that together with the tambouriners praising Him… I think it’s just going to be awesome. If we get it all together in time. And if poor Paul can hear himself sing over us!
I’ve got some sewing I want to get started on this evening and then I think I’m going to work on the master Sukkot list. I’ve been stealing all of Ann’s work so I have something to do. But… I shall survive.
edit: Oh man! For any of you who were at camp, and even for those of you that weren’t… If any of you heard Sady sing at camp, or heard about it, she now has some of her songs online!! http://www.myspace.com/keziyah. Man, that girl can sing!
I must admit, I have been a total and complete jerk to my friends the last couple of days. I’ve been completely self-centered, most of the time only thinking about myself. Feeling sorry for myself.
It has been a tough week because of not getting to go to college after all, and being totally up in the air over my job and my car and my dance rehearsals and everything… and every once in a while I go through these totally anti-Melanie stages where I totally and completely hate myself. This was one of those weeks. I’m hoping it will wear off and I’ll get over it, just like I do every other time… but… it has been just one of those weeks where I can’t stand to live with myself, look at myself, deal with myself.
I just… need a lot of prayer. I wish I could say more, but I’ve been hurt by saying too much on these blogs. Humph.