This is an archive and may contain old or out-of-date content. Check the date; things may have changed since the time of the original posting. Conversation is allowed on older posts, but be aware that they will not come to my attention as easily.
I’m neglecting my ‘fans’. Am I neglecting fans? It’s because life tends to be crazy in all of the wrong ways.
Quick rundown.
I may be going to Israel in 2007, but reality has hit and I remembered real life things like college. I’m going to Chelsy’s house this weekend, but I haven’t confirmed it yet with her. *goes off to email Chelsy ’cause it’s too late to call* I still don’t have a job. I’ve realized that I’m secretly scared to death of life. I updated the site. Well, changed the layout, anyhow. I don’t like it, so it probably won’t be up all that long. The other one was pretty stupid considering it’s sixty degrees in January here!!
My brain is so fried. Seriously. This doesn’t sound like me a bit.
CYF is back up and online. HOORAY! http://campyeshua.melilyn.com… it’s now PHPBB and better than ever before. I hope you all re-join, and everyone that never joined… JOIN NOW.
Also, on a sadder note, pray for Jessica Latham. A lot of you probably know her from camp. Her father, Roland, died last night in a car crash. That’s all of the information I have.
Okay, so after submitting seven job applications just today [and most places weren't even hiring], I think most of them were flops. A lot of them, when I asked if they were hiring, just gave me this slightly dazed look and said, “yeah, I suppose so.” And they handed me an application, I guess because they had to. A couple places gave me an application after I assured them I was eighteen and had graduated high school. But one place, a pretzel shop in the mall [Twisted Joe's], actually had a handwritten “Help Wanted” sign sitting on the counter. And when I “inquired within,” a woman who reminded me a lot of my Dearma [my mother's mother] enthusiastically gave me an application.
Well, I took all seven of them back this morning. A couple of people kind of rolled their eyes because they knew they probably wouldn’t hire me no matter what my application said. A couple of people looked confused; I guess their coworker on yesterday’s shift didn’t really know about how they were overstaffed. But that same woman at the pretzel shop took my application and actually went over it right then and there, and then assured me that she would see that her daughter got it [I guess she works for her daughter?].
Growing up and taking responsibility is very tough. Sometimes I feel like I’m only fourteen.
Anyhow. I’ll call them back tomorrow to make sure that the appropriate people got my application and all, and remind them that I am persistant. And if none of that goes through; welll, then, I suppose it’s time for another Shawnee drive through.
And it’s all one step closer to getting down to CHELSY’S house. I mean, her mom is awesome and volunteered to drive one way [it's about two hours from here to Lawton, maybe a bit more], but I really want to take that extra step of independence and take a road trip on my own. Because if I can make it to Lawton and back, my parents will trust that I can make it to TEXAS and back as well, right?
I’ll make sure and keep you updated, okay?
The strangest dreams are not the ones that have vague implications that you can’t quite grasp. The strangest dreams are not the ones that sound more like a drug-induced hallucination. The strangest dreams are the ones that stick with you all day, invading every thought. And the strangest part of these dreams is that you know exactly what they are telling you; something that’s been in your heart and you didn’t even know it was there until you dreamed about it.
How much stock do you guys put into dreams? Some people will tell you that it’s some technical explanation, going into all kinds of scientist-ese and going straight over your head. Some people will tell you that it’s just your imagination going without the rest of you awake to stop it. Some people say they’re always sent from God. I put a lot of stock into dreams, but I don’t go running around saying my dreams are prophecy or anything crazy like that. Usually I think that dreams show your conscious self what your unconscious mind is thinking. I don’t know, but that’s why you’ll hear me talk a lot about dreams.
Anyhow, enough. I’m going this week, definitely, and applying all over Shawnee for a job. And this time nothing’s going to waylay me; not college, not Sukkot, and not moving. Most of the reason is that things are actually starting to fall into place. I’m getting a car, too! I don’t know how exactly it happened, but the Duplers were given a white Mazda something-or-other [hey, be impressed I knew it was a Mazda!], and it’s pretty much being just given to someone in need. Well, I would have jumped for it, but it’s a manual transmission [OHMYGOSH, look, car talk] and so I can’t drive it. But! Dad is going to get the white car, and he’s giving me his red Mazda, which is an automatic and about ten years newer. So I finally get my car! It’s going to be so enjoyable sending the title for the Buick back to my grandfather. Long, long story.
Today was a very good day! I got a completely random phone call saying “I’m calling with very specific instructions for you. I want you to get up and go out to your front porch.”
“Lisa! Let me find my shoes!”
“No shoes! Forget the shoes. Just go outside.”
And there they were, Becky and Lisa and crew pulling into my driveway. I have not seen them since LONG before sukkot. And seriously, seeing them again was just what I needed. And of course, like I said, as of tomorrow [if we go pick up Dad's car], I have a car. And this week I shoudl be getting a job [GOD WILLING]. And then I’ll be getting my liscense. And then I’ll be able to do whatever I want! Go wherever I want!
Like to Chelsy’s house!
And Ann and Lisa’s new house!
And the Newlin’s whenever I want!
And just out driving for the heck of it!
It’s good to be almost nineteen.
And speaking of getting older, I had to do Kiddush for the first time last night. How odd.
Can you believe it? I can’t.
Anyhow, I totally revamped the site. It’s taken me about a week to compile, what with other stuff and general insanity raging around online. For example.
Camp Yeshua Forums. Remember that problem I have been having? No more. Forum gone. It’s so frustrating, and there’s a lot of other problems I’ve had with it besides not being able to get into it. And so I’m restarting, in the lull between camps. You can see the construction page up now. But I’ve totally converted it to PHPBB and I’m starting from scratch. I really hope that this next years camp will bring a lot of members because we’ll have the word out at camp, not a month after the fact.
Life is insane. Actually, the insane part is that it’s NOT insane. I feel like I’m trapped on one of those perpetual motion machines… it just keeps going and going and there’s no way to stop or change which direction you’re going, and at the same time it’s very repetetive and very boring. And especially today. Look at the calendar; it’s the ninth of January. Insignificant, you say? Well, on my calendar, the number 9 is joined by a little notation saying that spring semester has begun at UCO again. And where am I? An hour away. Unpacking and setting up house still. Going to the library and taking a swing past the grocery store. Helping a five year old with her kindergarten books.
And now that I’ve had ample time to be with just myself and thinking, now I’m questioning my future. My major in particular. I am still set on going to college… and this time I’m going to be prepared come August. I’ll tape my dad to a chair and make him help me with financial stuff, tax information, need-based aid, all that joyous stuff that just seems to go right over my head. But anyhow, now I’m starting to question. All semester I’ve been meaning to get my German books out and give myself a refresher. And I seem to be avoiding it. I mean, I loved German class, and foreign languages intrigue me. They all do. But… I don’t know, it’s just…
I remember talking to Herr Hoffman once, and I remember him saying that if I wanted to become a German teacher, I have to have more of a passion for German. He said that I’m good at it… I know the grammar and the vocab and how to speak it, but it just “doesn’t excite me.” And that quote came back into my mind a week or so ago, and I started thinking. What am I passionate about?
Dance for one, but you can hardly make a career out of that. I mean, it would be awesome to be a dance leader in some obscure congregation someday. Writing and reading for another. I mean, I love writing. Love it. You all know that. And reading? I go through probably six or seven books a week, all good sized books, and that’s between the rest of my life. I love books, I love literature, I love reading.
And of course, my newfound love, web design. I can’t even describe it. Working on graphics really is fun for me; searching down obscure bits of code and struggling through belligerent alignments and scripts and such is actually really relaxing for me. It’s a challenge that I’m always willing to tackle, and I’m even starting to get emails from people asking me if I can help them with theirs or if they can use one of my layouts. I mean, I won’t claim to be the best at it, because I know I’m nowhere close, but it’s something I REALLY enjoy.
Looking at that, the thoughts that you just “overheard,” makes me want to major in English Ed or Graphic and Web Design. But I’m so confused on it; in both cases I’m plagued by this constant “but do you think I can really do it?” kind of doubt.
Well, that’s the semi-update for the day. Is that enough?