Can you believe it? I can’t.

Anyhow, I totally revamped the site. It’s taken me about a week to compile, what with other stuff and general insanity raging around online. For example.

Camp Yeshua Forums. Remember that problem I have been having? No more. Forum gone. It’s so frustrating, and there’s a lot of other problems I’ve had with it besides not being able to get into it. And so I’m restarting, in the lull between camps. You can see the construction page up now. But I’ve totally converted it to PHPBB and I’m starting from scratch. I really hope that this next years camp will bring a lot of members because we’ll have the word out at camp, not a month after the fact.

Life is insane. Actually, the insane part is that it’s NOT insane. I feel like I’m trapped on one of those perpetual motion machines… it just keeps going and going and there’s no way to stop or change which direction you’re going, and at the same time it’s very repetetive and very boring. And especially today. Look at the calendar; it’s the ninth of January. Insignificant, you say? Well, on my calendar, the number 9 is joined by a little notation saying that spring semester has begun at UCO again. And where am I? An hour away. Unpacking and setting up house still. Going to the library and taking a swing past the grocery store. Helping a five year old with her kindergarten books.

And now that I’ve had ample time to be with just myself and thinking, now I’m questioning my future. My major in particular. I am still set on going to college… and this time I’m going to be prepared come August. I’ll tape my dad to a chair and make him help me with financial stuff, tax information, need-based aid, all that joyous stuff that just seems to go right over my head. But anyhow, now I’m starting to question. All semester I’ve been meaning to get my German books out and give myself a refresher. And I seem to be avoiding it. I mean, I loved German class, and foreign languages intrigue me. They all do. But… I don’t know, it’s just…

I remember talking to Herr Hoffman once, and I remember him saying that if I wanted to become a German teacher, I have to have more of a passion for German. He said that I’m good at it… I know the grammar and the vocab and how to speak it, but it just “doesn’t excite me.” And that quote came back into my mind a week or so ago, and I started thinking. What am I passionate about?

Dance for one, but you can hardly make a career out of that. I mean, it would be awesome to be a dance leader in some obscure congregation someday. Writing and reading for another. I mean, I love writing. Love it. You all know that. And reading? I go through probably six or seven books a week, all good sized books, and that’s between the rest of my life. I love books, I love literature, I love reading.

And of course, my newfound love, web design. I can’t even describe it. Working on graphics really is fun for me; searching down obscure bits of code and struggling through belligerent alignments and scripts and such is actually really relaxing for me. It’s a challenge that I’m always willing to tackle, and I’m even starting to get emails from people asking me if I can help them with theirs or if they can use one of my layouts. I mean, I won’t claim to be the best at it, because I know I’m nowhere close, but it’s something I REALLY enjoy.

Looking at that, the thoughts that you just “overheard,” makes me want to major in English Ed or Graphic and Web Design. But I’m so confused on it; in both cases I’m plagued by this constant “but do you think I can really do it?” kind of doubt.

Well, that’s the semi-update for the day. Is that enough?