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This may be just completely me.
I’ve found a lot in my life that it’s hard to connect to people, more than just a “hi, how are you,” unless you share something that makes you vulnerable. Especially girls. I remember back in middle school that the one point when I felt I really connected with someone, to the point of becoming actual friends with them, was when one of us told the other “who we liked.” Call it a middle-school-girl thing, but I think it still holds true as we get older.
I remember in seventh grade, I plopped myself across from this one girl I thought I could be friends with and started up a conversation about this guy I couldn’t get to notice me. Turns out, she had gone to school with him, and the longer we talked… the more connection we had. We ended up being best friends.
One of my managers isn’t really that much older than me, and though I’ve been there a year, there’s still no connection. At all. Last night I ended up talking to her (well, more like letting her talk while I listened) about this guy she’s been having problems with. And maybe it’s just middle-school era coming out again… but now I feel like the two of us have some kind of basis to build upon.
Does that make any sense? Or do I just need more sleep?
Every year on Thanksgiving, my family has a time-honored tradition. Before we start eating, and after we say a prayer, we go around the table and everyone has to say one thing they’re thankful for. It can be anything… from family to a new job to the Care Bear they received earlier that day (that would be the seven year old).
Also, since becoming “Messianic,” we’ve tended to eat our big meal on Friday, sort of as a combination Shabbat/Thanksgiving feast. So here I am, dinner in a few hours, and I’m trying to think of the one thing I’m thankful for.
It’s not that I have nothing to be thankful for. I’ve got my family, my friends, my job, a roof over my head, an internet connection, food, and water (yes, in order of priorities!). Nobody close to me has died lately, there’s been no major disasters, and I’m still in one piece. But I feel like that’s what I say every year. My family. My friends.
If I was to be honest, I really would probably say my friends this year. There’s been a few of you that have really been helping me keep my head above water this past year. Listening and letting me vent. Understanding my situation. Coming to me with your problems (which actually really blesses me). Letting me just kick back and have a good time without the fear of being judged. There’s about three of you I know I wouldn’t be able to live without, and I’m so thankful for you.
Also, I’d say my family. I know I haven’t been the greatest daughter. I know I’ve been an outright pain. I know you wish I would have turned out differently. But you know what? I know you’re always going to be there to support me, no matter what.
See? I’d say family and friends. Cliché, but true.
I had a dream last night, one of those long and drawn-out weird dreams. I don’t remember much about it, but at one point during the course of this dream, an old man came up to me and asked me this question:
If you were given a choice between one or the other, and could not say “neither,” which would you rather be– deaf or blind?
I don’t remember what I told him. I completely forgot about this until about halfway during the day, when I remembered it, and it made me think.
Which would I rather be, deaf or blind? Granted I was given a choice, of course. Ideally, neither, because I’m doing just fine with the five senses I have. Given a choice, I’d have to say that I’d rather be blind. I think I could live in a world without vision, without seeing people and places and being content with the pictures I still had in my head, than living without voices and music and words. Does that make any sense?
How about you? Would you rather be deaf or blind?
Today was pretty windy, and part of my job today at work was to change the letters on the sign outside. I do it most Sundays, so it wasn’t a big deal. I’ve done it when it was windy before. Heck, I’ve done it in rain, snow, and 105° weather before. No biggie.
Nope. The wind blew one of those black plastic letters and it hit me square in the nose! Now my nose is all swollen, starting to turn purple, and I’ve got this big cut right across the bridge of my nose.
And if that wasn’t the worst part, my nose is so swollen that it hurts to wear my glasses, so I’m stuck being… well, kind of blind. My vision is awful. I’m probably about a foot from my screen right now, and I can’t read the words I’m typing. And I look funny, to top it all off!!
My other minor disaster happened just a few minutes ago. I’m a complete Firefox fangirl, but I guess it has its days just like every other program ever made. I customized the heck out of mine… plugins, custom theme, all these options changed… it was exactly how I wanted it. Nope, all back to default when I opened it just now. I’ve got to start ALL over again! Curses, Firefox!
Edit: Life gets better. Painkillers have made me temporarily forget about my nose, and I restarted Firefox and all of my tweaky goodness has returned. Hooray!
I spent some time on my portfolio the other day, and I think I’ve got it into something presentable. I’ve only got web design stuff up so far, and the writing I already had, but still, that’s better than nothing!
This stupid site is starting to come together.
In other, non-related news, there’s another possibility for that management spot before my birthday once again. I’m so befuddled about whether or not to take it, but I’m leaning towards taking it… sabbath or no sabbath. I mean, I’m not always going to be there. It’s just a step in the right direction… right?