There’s this lady who comes in to eat breakfast where I work all of the time. She’s loud, she’s rude, and her and her husband have this bad habit of ordering collosial amounts of food (which they do sit there and eat!) at all the wrong times, like when the cook is on break, or as we’re trying to start serving lunch. She annoys the heck out of me.

She came in this afternoon wanting a sundae. She came and looked at every single flavor of ice cream, pondered over every entry on the menu board, and finally, after making me stand there and wait for her to make up her mind, she decides to order Old Reliable: the hot fudge sundae.

“But hey,” she protests as I’m about to start her sundae. “I don’t want no nuts.”

Okay. Maybe I’m a grammar snob. Maybe I grew up a stuck-up Yankee who believes in double negatives. But if you don’t want no nuts, that means you do want nuts.

I resisted. You should be proud of me. But seriously, what do they teach in schools down here? “I didn’t hear nothing.” “She wasn’t using no spoon.” Come on!